i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
