I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize