She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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