Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
