I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
