Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just forgot I was standing up.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
