im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
