There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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