you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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