my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize