I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
