ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
