I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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