On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
