just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
