dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
