He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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