I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
