I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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