I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
