I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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