Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
