I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
