i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize