is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
