That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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