You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize