He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My hand turned me down
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
