I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
