Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
