I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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