Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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