Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
