Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she peed on how many people?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
