apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i think we sleep fucked last night...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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