her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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