I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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