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The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize