I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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