I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize