I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
