I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
