I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
