If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
