He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize