In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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