Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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