Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize