i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize