Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
