Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was not drunk enough for that final.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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