So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
