I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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