that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
being pregnant is like rehab
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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