38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize