he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
