so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
