youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Your topless pictures make me question reality
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
