You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
