If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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