I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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