Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
