She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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