we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
