help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
