I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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