i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
