epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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