i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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