I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
