Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
