My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
only you would photoshop your dick
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize