just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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